My father-in-law passed away recently, and attending his funeral service got me thinking about what legacy I want to leave to the world.
Whether we are aware of it or not, I believe that we are each creating a legacy that will long outlive our physical presence and material possessions in this world.
Consciously thinking about your legacy is a potent strategy for clarifying and refining what success means to you and what priorities you should embrace every day to achieve that success.
My father-in-law was a very successful businessman who teamed up with his his brother to create a chain of supermarkets. Along the way, they created substantial financial wealth for themselves and others.
But that was not what people talked about at his funeral services. They all remembered him for more enduring qualities.
He was a wonderful family man.
He was a great mentor and role model.
He gave generously to his community.
He had a warm and friendly smile.
I’m not sure whether my father-in-law was conscious of the legacy he was creating during his lifetime, but I believe that he would be pleased by the memories people shared about him. They were consistent with his values of putting family, church and community above all else.
To some extent, I think that reflects a simpler time in our society, when choices were limited and acting in accordance with one’s values almost inevitably led to a congruent life.
Our access to technology and nearly instantaneous communication has created both opportunities and obstacles to achieving that kind of harmony. On the one hand, we have a greater ability to create an impact on a global network of people and problems. On the other hand, the sheer volume of information and choices can make it hard to focus on what is truly important.
If you are anything like me, you start each morning with a long to-do list that never seems to quite get finished. I think that is just a reality of our modern lifestyle…you might as well make peace with the fact that you are never going to get everything done.
What really matters is, did you accomplish the things that are most important to achieving your own personal definition of success? To know that, you have to be really clear on what success means to you.
My father-in-law’s service reminded me that my definition of success will be reflected back through the eyes of those I leave behind. So I made a conscious decision to think about who I would want to speak for me, and what I would want them to say.
Here is the visualization exercise I created. This is one you can try at home. The only danger is that you will figure out you have been focusing on all the wrong things.
Set aside some time when you can be quiet and reflective. Play your favorite soothing music, sip something comfortable, and get out your journal or a blank piece of paper. Once you are relaxed, imagine that you have departed this life and are hovering over your own memorial service. This is your imagination, so you get the service to be exactly as you would intend. Who do you see getting up to speak about you? What do you hear them saying? What are the most important highlights of your life from this perspective?
Now that you know what you would want to hear, bring yourself back to the present time. What are your priorities every day? Are you taking actions that are consistent with the vision you just created? What would you need to do differently to ensure that the guests at your memorial service remember you the way you want to be remembered?
This is actually a good exercise to do every year. I know from experience that our priorities shift with age and experience. When I was younger, I wanted to be a famous and successful writer. I thought that was because I wanted to be recognized for my brilliance and talent, but now I know that I really wanted to be remembered for the gift of being able to touch people with my words. Books were my life raft during an unhappy childhood, and I wanted to pass that experience on.
I still want to be remembered for the gift of touching people, and making a difference in their lives. But today I also appreciate the joys of simply being present in the moment. I hope that the people I love will remember me for my passion and enjoyment of life, rather than my hard work and perseverance. Those are great qualities, but as the old saying goes, nobody wants a tombstone that says, “I wish I had worked more hours.”
I would love to hear what you think about this post. Does it seem strange to think about your own funeral? Have you thought about your legacy to the world? Do you have any good strategies for setting priorities that are consistent with your values?
If you enjoyed thinking about these questions, please share my post with others. I really appreciate your support!
