I learned a great technique for quickly improving your quality of life from Cheryl Richardson, author of Stand Up For Your Life and many other inspirational books.
It is a deceptively simple exercise in which you answer two questions:
- What is working in your life right now to fuel your goals and vision?
- What is draining your energy from your goals and vision?
Your answers to both questions might include an interesting combination of things both internal and external:
- beliefs and assumptions about yourself and the world
- external circumstances such as job, money, and time
- people both living and dead who support you or tear you down
- possessions that add beauty to your life or drain your energy with clutter
- activities that bring you joy or wear you out
The goal of the exercise is to eliminate the things that drain you while creating more space in your life for the things that fuel you.
As you can see, some of these things are easier to control than others. You may not be in a position to just walk out on your job, or buy a new house (at least not quite yet).
One of the most fruitful ways I have found to get started is to stop spending time with people who do not support your life vision.
Let’s start with the naysayers…you know the ones who never have anything positive to say, who are always talking about themselves and looking for support, who criticize all your ideas and tell you all the reasons it will never work, who eat up all your time with never a second thought about your schedule?
I call these people the “energy vampires” based on an old song I first heard sung at a Four Bitchin’ Babes concert at the Birchmere. The lyrics by Pete Hammill go like this:
Hunched in the corner of the dressing-room, trying to get back to the real…Uh-oh, here they come, ready for their meal:
Energy Vampires, crawling out of the wall, they want to steal my vitality, they want to drink it all.
This guy says that he wrote all my songs, this girl says she’s had my baby – me, I don’t know them from Adam and Eve, sometimes I really believe I’m going crazy.
“Excuse me while I suck your blood, excuse me when I phone you, I’ve got every one of your records, man, doesn’t that mean I own you?”
Oh, sure, I long ago decided to make myself an exponent of public possession in the private obsession zone.
But now I’m serious, let’s be serious, I’m not selling you my soul, try to put it in the records but I’ve got to keep my life my own.
One thing I’ve not got a lot of is time and it’s slipping away…I’ve got a life to live too.
Ah, here they come…Vampires!
It is amazing how much space you can create in your life when you shut down access to the energy vampires. Of course, this is sometimes easier said than done…especially if they are a relative or close friend.
But think about it. It is time to ask yourself some serious questions. Is this person adding anything of value to your life, or are you simply continuing the relationship out of obligation?
When you look back on your life, will you be glad you spent your time with them, or will you regret the time lost?
If you can’t answer these questions with enthusiasm, it is time to let go. Even if you cannot totally eliminate the relationship, you can set some boundaries so they don’t suck up all your time.
You will be amazed what joy may come your way when you eliminate the naysayers and create the space for more positive relationships in your life.
We have all had energy vampires in our lives. I would love to hear how you got your life back!
