Transformational Coaching and the Art of Co-Creation

Serena Williams, ranked the World’s No. 1 woman in singles tennis on five separate occasions, was famously coached by her father throughout her stellar career.

Tiger Woods, one of the most successful professional golfers of all time, worked almost exclusively with leading swing coach Butch Harmon.

We expect the world’s leading athletes to work with a coach to bring out their best performance.

Of course, the best coach in the world can’t create an athlete’s success. It is a team effort, with the athlete contributing the raw talent, passion, commitment and perseverance…while the coach contributes knowledge, skills, motivation and a dollop of accountability.

If this kind of collaboration works so well for creating world class athletes, why don’t we generally think about coaching as instrumental in creating a successful life?

For the past several months, I have invested more than 2500 hours in coaching for my own personal transformation, and learning how to empower others to transform their own lives. I have trained with Roger Panetta, a Master Coach Trainer with the Certified Coaches Federation; Sharon Wilson, founder of Coaching from Spirit; Laurie Gerber and Carmen Marshall, Life Coaching for the Self-Employed; and the incredible Robert Holden, author of Happiness Now and Success Intelligence.

I have come to understand that coaching is not just teaching, counseling, consulting or empathizing.

It is a process of co-creation, a partnership with individuals or groups that puts them in touch with their own inner guidance to achieve their own vision of a life worth loving.

In this post, I share the highlights of what I have learned about coaching, transformation, and success from some of the world’s leading motivational leaders.

Transformation Starts with an Inner Game

We tend to think about athletics as all goals, action and strategy.

Many of us think about transformation the same way. We want to change our lives, and we think that will happen by changing our behavior.

But the curious thing about achieving goals is that it all starts in the mind.

Let me start with a simple example.

How many of you have set a goal to lose weight? First, maybe you went out and bought the latest diet book. Then you cleaned out your cabinets, made a shopping list, and stocked up on all the right ingredients.

Day 1 might have gone great. Even Day 2 and Day 3. Then along came your birthday, or the office holiday party, or a special date…and boom. The diet was out the window.

The next day, you thought “I’ve already blown it. Might as well eat what I want and start over again on Monday.”

And somehow Monday never came.

What went wrong? You had all the right goals, action steps and strategies, but your subconscious mind did not buy into the plan.

That is why it is so important to engage your inner guidance before setting out on an action plan.

Okay, you’re thinking, that sounds good. But what would that look like?

Here are a few simple strategies for engaging your inner game:

Visualization

Many elite athletes routinely use visualization techniques as part of training and competition. There are many stories of athletes who’ve used these techniques to cultivate not only a competitive edge, but also to create renewed mental awareness, a heightened sense of well-being and confidence.

Tiger Woods always visualizes exactly where he wants the golf ball to go.

Michael Jordan, one of the greatest basketball players in history, imagined the ball swishing through the hoop.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, five time Mr. Universe, four-time Mr. Olympia has not only used visualization for athletic success but also credits it for his success as a movie star.

When I was very young I visualized myself being and having what it was I wanted. Mentally I never had any doubts about it.

If you really want to lose weight, start by visualizing how you will look and feel at your ideal weight. Visualize yourself out on that date, feeling sexy and beautiful, choosing to nourish your body with healthy whole foods that support your inner glow. See yourself dancing the night away with grace and energy to spare. Make it vivid, make it real, and soon you will be living it!

Energy Shifting

Before you went to bed last night, your mind had experienced more than 50,000 thoughts…most of them subconscious.

No matter how lofty your goals, those subconscious thoughts may be sabotaging your actions.

To get back to the weight loss example, how long are you likely to keep making healthy choices if your subconscious mind is saying:

You are too lazy to stick to an exercise routine.

You don’t have any willpower.

You’ll never get back into those size 6 jeans.

You’re too old to look hot and sexy.

The first step to shifting the self-sabotage is to surface the subconscious beliefs that are standing in your way.

The next step is to talk back to them and replace them with more affirming beliefs.

One famous athlete who used affirmations to support his success was Muhammad Ali. He was know for saying,

I figured that if I said it enough, I would convince the world that I really was the greatest.

But the real secret is that first he convinced himself.

Setting Intentions

A goal is a statement of wishful thinking. It is what you would like to see happen in the future.

We all know what happens to goals when there is no commitment behind them.

By contrast, an intention is a statement of commitment. It is a determination or resolve to act in a certain way.

Setting intention, at least according to Buddhist teachings, is quite different than goal making. It is not oriented toward a future outcome. Instead, it is a path or practice that is focused on how you are “being” in the present moment. Your attention is on the ever-present “now” in the constantly changing flow of life. You set your intentions based on understanding what matters most to you and make a commitment to align your worldly actions with your inner values. ~ Yoga Journal

To get back to the weight loss example, setting an intention to honor your body by living a healthy lifestyle would align you with your inner vision for the life you want to live. Losing weight would just be a healthy side effect.

Robert Holden describes this as the difference between “doing,” “going,” “having,” “seeking”…and simply “being.”

You are not “going” on a diet…you are simply choosing to “be” healthy.

Manifestation Requires Action

When people get excited about the power of visualization and intention, they sometimes forget that there is a second step in the process.

It is only when you take action in the direction of your vision and intention that the object of your desire will manifest.

This is where the strategic goals and action steps come in.

This is when you get to decide “I will follow XYZ eating plan” or “I will go to the gym 5 days a week.”

But you have to remember, successful transformation is a process.

Those inner beliefs don’t just go away overnight. Laurie Gerber calls them your “chickens” and your “brats”… and you can just imagine what kinds of sabotage each bring to the table.

That is where coaching comes in.

From my experience, coaching brings 3 important ingredients to the process of transformation.

Partnership

Sure, it is possible to transform your life on your own. But partnering with a coach is much easier, more supportive and a lot more fun.

The process of co-creating transformation is a creative collaboration between you, your coach and your inner guide.

The best coaches teach and model self-coaching techniques that provide a short-cut to success in all areas of your life.

Coaches can help you see your blind spots and cut through areas of stuckness.

I gained more clarity about my life in 5 days with Robert Holden than in 5 years of doing self-help transformational exercises.

Mirroring

At the Success Intelligence workshop, we spent hours each day doing peer coaching.

My coaching partners let me see parts of myself I never knew, simply by mirroring back my beliefs and letting me know that I was seen.

You can do mirror work with yourself by talking to your own reflection, but there is something transformative about seeing yourself through another’s eyes.

Accountability

Setting intentions is one thing….sticking to them is something else.

Laurie Gerber taught us to hold ourselves accountable by adding consequences to each of our commitments.

For example, here is one of mine:

Commitment: I will write my Artist’s Way morning pages every morning before I leave for work.

Consequence: If I don’t, I don’t get my mid-morning Starbucks latte.

This is a great technique, but might not be quite enough to keep me on track. Having a coach adds another layer of accountability that is more likely to keep you focused on your intentions.

The great news is, your coach does not have to be just one individual. Laurie created a Facebook page for our entrepreneurial coaching group where we post our commitments and hold one another accountable.

Group coaching, master mind groups, and accountability partners are all great ways to get started with the process of transformation.

You are the creator of your own life, but it is great to have a tribe of co-creators to enrich your vision, add perspective, and support you when the going gets tough.

And when you are really ready for a breakthrough, there is nothing like partnering with a trained transformational coach to take your game to the next level.

P.S. In case you haven’t figured it out, the photo is our wonderful, loving, creative, talented coaching success group led by the masterful Sir Robert Holden.